There are times when I think my life is a sitcom… not a sitcom that appeals to the masses like a Seinfeld or the Simpsons, but a comedy like Arrested Development – a critically appraised hit that never strikes it big and gets cancelled after four good seasons on Fox.<\/p>\n
Right now, my life’s worth (in liquid assets) is $4.32. \u00a0I have an iPhone with a partially broken touch screen. \u00a0It’s good enough to play my music, but I can’t seem to dial any phone numbers that use 1,2,3,4,5, or 6. \u00a0I’ve “borrowed” a roll of toilet paper from the workplace. \u00a0I badly need a haircut, and some detergent would make my day. \u00a0Despite all of this and a lack of decent sleep, I’m feeling pretty cheerful. \u00a0How did I get here, and why do I think someone is laughing at me? \u00a0How I can prevent myself from being one of the smartest people ever to win a Darwin Award?<\/p>\n
I am uniquely talented human being. \u00a0I have a rare gift that combines a startling lack of common sense, strange luck, and bizarre assumptions. \u00a0Give me a challenge and I will surprise you, but give me something “easy” and you’ll wonder how I make it through the day. \u00a0There’s a reason why I never tie my shoelaces in public \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0Why did velcro never catch on?<\/p>\n
Lesson of the day: when you use a virtual bank like eTrade, you’ll be fine 9 times out of 10. \u00a0On that rare occasion where you get a paper check instead of a direct deposit for your first pay period at a new job, you’ll wish you had a brick and mortar bank to go to. \u00a0Especially when it’s Thursday July 3rd and the next business day isn’t until Monday. \u00a0Especially when you’ve just purchased a Playstation 3 (on sale) that’s left you with exactly $4.32 in your account. \u00a0I don’t even have a TV.<\/p>\n
My iPhone? My favorite gadget of all time has never let me down until now. \u00a0I’ve bashed it against tables to demonstrate its durability. \u00a0I’ve successfully used it as a weapon against a mugger in Melbourne. \u00a0It’s even survived a round in a washer\/dryer combo. \u00a0And now my baby is broken… not the broken that makes you want to replace it with something new, but the partial kind that makes you think it’ll be fine after a few days of rehab. \u00a0Physically, it looks as good as new, but every time I press my finger on the alarm clock button (that woke me up every morning to Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal<\/em>) to no avail, I realize that things will never be the same again. \u00a0<\/p>\n It’s been a long week, and I’m looking forward to the fireworks of this weekend. \u00a0July 4th rocks! \u00a0The weather in Seattle is sensational and I’ve been out running and kayaking. \u00a0Workoutrageous starts next week and I just gotten a new gym membership. \u00a0Currently, there are 14 quality people signed up. \u00a0It will be a spectacular competition!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There are times when I think my life is a sitcom… not a sitcom that appeals to the masses like a Seinfeld or the Simpsons, but a comedy like Arrested Development – a critically appraised hit that never strikes it big and gets cancelled after four good seasons on Fox. Right now, my life’s worth … Continue reading eTrade Account minus PS3 = $4.32 and some Wisdom<\/span>